I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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