a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
