I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
