Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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