I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
