Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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