My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
