I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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