I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
