I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
