Kiss
Puke
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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