Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
