awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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