you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
