it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
