I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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