He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
