Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
