What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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