Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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