At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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