id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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