Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
