Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
