I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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