I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want nice things and good sex
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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