I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
