Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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