i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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