he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
