im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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