Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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