Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
