my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
