are you still at the devil's house?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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