the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
