'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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