The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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