I just pynch a tree in the face
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
