Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
