he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
