she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
