yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
