She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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