Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
