sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
