She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
