If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
