okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
