I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
