you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
