Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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