I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
