he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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