well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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