i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
