So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
