You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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