Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
