why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.