We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'