i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.