Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.