you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando