I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
