Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
