that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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