I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
